V (is also) for Victory

Just in time for my least favorite "holiday" of the year, my ceaseless public kvetching, broken resolutions to swear off dating, and routinely self-humiliating posts about ill-thought pick-ups and unfortunate trysts have finally paid off. My signature pathological hoarding instincts and well-documented tchotchke problem are now signs of a life lived creatively, with imagination and gusto. "Too many fountain pens" is an entirely alien concept. The excessive shedding of body hair is no longer a deal-breaker. I am 99% sure that this is going somewhere because it's been nearly three days and I still haven't mentioned my porn story.



After years and years of wrestling with the problem every girl faces, it finally happened. But who knew it could happen to me?