My Brilliant Career

Until recently, I've refused to flaunt my "checkered past" too frequently. Like many of you, I consider porn a controversial subject: best brought up on a first date, rather than in a blog or via email. But the invasive power of Internet2, and my ever-mounting blog-sponsobilities on Internet1, have finally put an end to all efforts at modesty.

Most of you are probably familiar with my work: the ground-breaking "Nasty Adventures" section of the Nov. 95 issue of Sex Acts, as well as the critically-acclaimed short story "Nouvelle Cuisine," featured in the Feb. 96 issue of Leg Action. But now, with the support of others, I can finally "come out" as a full-frontal porn artiste - and not just one more Ventura County mover and shaker behind the scenes.

It's fair to say that my all-time favorite cinematic endeavor is Poked in the Burger Shack: the legend of Big Boy (1978). In this unforgettable soft-core classic, a foursome of attractive urban singles try to save their fledgling 1950's-style drive-in restaurant in an all-night speed-dating marathon. Later, after joining the Raw Food Movement, they find a lonely and very hungry woman living in a seedy downtown bar. They graciously invite her to their diner, but along the way take an unexpected detour with sexy results: a wanton knitting orgy on the steps of City Hall, where public employees look on in horror and titillation. After their hot-blooded municipal excesses, the five then hole up in the empty diner, snacking on cashew loaf and telling each other's fortune with a magical erotic cootie-catcher someone finds lying on the counter in a pool of stale Mountain Dew. Every one of these "fortunes" is lovingly and accurately dramatized in the classical truth or dare fashion of Hollywood's Golden Age. I won't give away the ending, but it involves edible underwear, Jennifer Aniston, adorable baby animals, kidnapping, raw meat of questionable origin, and a whole lotta love!

Poked in the Burger Shack: the legend of Big Boy, 1978.
Starring Puff Canyon and Booger N. Oak; featuring Lobo "Long John" Wilde as "Chef."