Ritual Humiliation: What's In It For You?
Strategies, or "coping mechanisms," are little games we play with ourselves when we cannot play well with others. Sometimes, if we are not careful, these "personal games" can extend outward again to include others, but often without their explicit consent. And this is where the trouble usually begins.
One strategy I use to keep my other strategies in order is ritualized humiliation. When we were children, humiliation was an activity best experienced with, and at the hands of, our playmates. Now that we're all grown up, it's harder to find people who will indulge our peculiar "neurotic" compulsions. Children, who enjoy a spontaneous imagination and rich inner life, understand these things without being told: who knows how many times was I humiliated by my little friends without even having to ask. Now it's like getting someone to pull my teeth out.
For this reason, I've opted to develop and hone my self-humiliation skill-set. For those of you who are wondering what I mean, imagine "sex" (or "masturbation") as a skill - only in this case, while the emotional, physical, and psychological effects may be (initially) less pleasurable, they are longer-lasting, and there is less risk of bankruptcy, a slipped disc, or permanent nerve damage.
As part of my strict regimen, therefore, I'm going to share with you some choice and generally fool-proof methods of my humiliation praxis. Any or all of these "prompts" may work for you, so be creative and don't hold back. The key is to use your imagination and go with your gut instinct: that little inner cringe tells you it's working. Actual results may vary according to age, diet, and crippling life experience.
Method #1: Have yourself Had
Find ten ads on Craigslist that seem, somehow, less than "above board." Respond.
World-traveled actor/writer/handyman looking for a woman (or two, even) to share massage with.
SEEKING A WONDERFUL FEMALE FRIEND WITH GREAT BREASTS
We've got your entire Darth Vadar Costume- Sale or Rent. Ask for Chewie too. The full 100% Chewie outfit.
Come to a Dianetics seminar and learn how to handle stress before it handles you. Learn how to improve your career, your relationships, and communication with others.
Ads are edited only for length and confidentiality and otherwise reproduced verbatim from Craigslist New York
Method #2: Expose Yourself to Ridicule or Derision
Think of the least trustworthy person (or persons) you know – a mere acquaintance or co-worker is ideal. In this person’s presence,
a) do something you promised yourself would never do
b) tell something you promised yourself you would never tell
c) agree to something you promised yourself you would never agree to or espouse
Here are some examples to get you started, but for best results try to “personalize” them as much as you can:
a) For one week, wear at least one article of 100% spandex to work
b) Have loud lunch-break phone-sex with the Blimpie employee who always takes your order - or if you’re “hard core,” real sex with the delivery person in the breakroom
c) Reveal what you had to do (and how many times) to get this job/apartment/iPod
d) Explain what “changed your mind” about the Imperial Wizard, Dr. James Dobson, and/or Phyllis Schalfly
Over the next several weeks, note how people who were not privy to your revelations treat you, and the overall “vibe” in your social or work environment. Of course, only you know that you have been grossly misunderstood and are not really "like that."
Keep a diary so that you may revisit this experience after you move and change jobs, friends, and/or spouses.
Method #3: What's your favorite food?
Did anyone ever tell you "your eyes are bigger than your stomach"? How did that make you feel? Guilty? Infantilized? Out of control? If you had learned to externalize your feelings in a healthy manner, you'd have only been "angry." Pretty boring, huh?
To begin, eat whatever and as much as you need to recapture those feelings - if this means a consuming brick of cheddar cheese, 8 bags of Dorito's (Cool Ranch® is best), or a half-gallon tub of curly fries with chili, so be it. When the food has settled, take a good long look in the mirror, and remind yourself that once you're over 30, it all starts sliding south and there's nothing you can do about it.
If you were prescient enough to keep an article of clothing from your high school days, now is the time to dig it out and try it on.
Method # 4: “I Shouldn’t Have" (small group activity)
To play this game, invite your friends (or anyone you can convince) to come prepared to tell the absolute truth – and to bring lots of cookies, brownies, beef jerky sticks, or other snack treats (chips of any kind are not permitted). With everyone sitting in a circle, distribute as many snacks as there are people to each player. Then, have each contestant, in turn, make a fictive statement that begins with “I shouldn’t have …” and ends with something - anything - the player hasn’t done - or would never be caught dead doing. Anyone present who has done what was mentioned must raise a hand. Each player then gives the guilty party one snack item, which the culprit must immediately consume in the presence of all. There’s only one catch – if no one else present has done that particular thing either, the declarer must then make a truthful “I shouldn’t have” statement, followed by mandatory snack consumption.
Here are some examples of promising “payoffs” (remember – you’re on your honor to tell the truth!). “I shouldn’t have …”
Remember - in each of these games, as in the game of Life, there are no winners. (Because - say it with me - "everyone is a loser.")
One strategy I use to keep my other strategies in order is ritualized humiliation. When we were children, humiliation was an activity best experienced with, and at the hands of, our playmates. Now that we're all grown up, it's harder to find people who will indulge our peculiar "neurotic" compulsions. Children, who enjoy a spontaneous imagination and rich inner life, understand these things without being told: who knows how many times was I humiliated by my little friends without even having to ask. Now it's like getting someone to pull my teeth out.
For this reason, I've opted to develop and hone my self-humiliation skill-set. For those of you who are wondering what I mean, imagine "sex" (or "masturbation") as a skill - only in this case, while the emotional, physical, and psychological effects may be (initially) less pleasurable, they are longer-lasting, and there is less risk of bankruptcy, a slipped disc, or permanent nerve damage.
As part of my strict regimen, therefore, I'm going to share with you some choice and generally fool-proof methods of my humiliation praxis. Any or all of these "prompts" may work for you, so be creative and don't hold back. The key is to use your imagination and go with your gut instinct: that little inner cringe tells you it's working. Actual results may vary according to age, diet, and crippling life experience.
Method #1: Have yourself Had
Find ten ads on Craigslist that seem, somehow, less than "above board." Respond.
Ads are edited only for length and confidentiality and otherwise reproduced verbatim from Craigslist New York
Method #2: Expose Yourself to Ridicule or Derision
Think of the least trustworthy person (or persons) you know – a mere acquaintance or co-worker is ideal. In this person’s presence,
a) do something you promised yourself would never do
b) tell something you promised yourself you would never tell
c) agree to something you promised yourself you would never agree to or espouse
Here are some examples to get you started, but for best results try to “personalize” them as much as you can:
a) For one week, wear at least one article of 100% spandex to work
b) Have loud lunch-break phone-sex with the Blimpie employee who always takes your order - or if you’re “hard core,” real sex with the delivery person in the breakroom
c) Reveal what you had to do (and how many times) to get this job/apartment/iPod
d) Explain what “changed your mind” about the Imperial Wizard, Dr. James Dobson, and/or Phyllis Schalfly
Over the next several weeks, note how people who were not privy to your revelations treat you, and the overall “vibe” in your social or work environment. Of course, only you know that you have been grossly misunderstood and are not really "like that."
Keep a diary so that you may revisit this experience after you move and change jobs, friends, and/or spouses.
Method #3: What's your favorite food?
Did anyone ever tell you "your eyes are bigger than your stomach"? How did that make you feel? Guilty? Infantilized? Out of control? If you had learned to externalize your feelings in a healthy manner, you'd have only been "angry." Pretty boring, huh?
To begin, eat whatever and as much as you need to recapture those feelings - if this means a consuming brick of cheddar cheese, 8 bags of Dorito's (Cool Ranch® is best), or a half-gallon tub of curly fries with chili, so be it. When the food has settled, take a good long look in the mirror, and remind yourself that once you're over 30, it all starts sliding south and there's nothing you can do about it.
If you were prescient enough to keep an article of clothing from your high school days, now is the time to dig it out and try it on.
Method # 4: “I Shouldn’t Have" (small group activity)
To play this game, invite your friends (or anyone you can convince) to come prepared to tell the absolute truth – and to bring lots of cookies, brownies, beef jerky sticks, or other snack treats (chips of any kind are not permitted). With everyone sitting in a circle, distribute as many snacks as there are people to each player. Then, have each contestant, in turn, make a fictive statement that begins with “I shouldn’t have …” and ends with something - anything - the player hasn’t done - or would never be caught dead doing. Anyone present who has done what was mentioned must raise a hand. Each player then gives the guilty party one snack item, which the culprit must immediately consume in the presence of all. There’s only one catch – if no one else present has done that particular thing either, the declarer must then make a truthful “I shouldn’t have” statement, followed by mandatory snack consumption.
Here are some examples of promising “payoffs” (remember – you’re on your honor to tell the truth!). “I shouldn’t have …”
- Flashed for beer outside the 7-11 every Saturday night the summer of 1983
- Believed anything about sex as described in the oeuvre of Danielle Steele
- Stuffed
- Indulged my erotic attraction to (Bugs Bunny/fictional character others would find most disturbing)
- Told you-know-who about you-know-what
- Insisted ad nauseum that Dark Side of the Moon is actually the “secret soundtrack” to the Wizard of Oz
- Pretended to dose the Sacramental wine, or that the Host was a giant tab of acid
- Agreed to be videotaped
- Googled myself
- Expected I could fool anyone with my Lando Calrissian costume at last year's Halloween party
- Lied about the size of my (panties/RAM)
- Let the smooth taste fool me
Remember - in each of these games, as in the game of Life, there are no winners. (Because - say it with me - "everyone is a loser.")
posted at 1:23 PM
2 Comments:
If I weren't on Vicodin, I'd add something that made sense here.
What you call ritual humiliation, I would call everyday living.
Why are you on Vicodin? Is EGIT selling on the side now?
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