What you do when it all falls apart (and it will)

After two and a half years, my search for full-time employment is finally grinding to a halt. Friends, acquaintances, and curious barflies have often asked me “so what happens if you don’t find a job?” My answer has consistently been “Well, since my savings will be gone by October (which serendipitously coincides with my bi-yearly lease-renewal/significant rent hike), I will be, as they say in the business, f*#ked. I have been saying the same thing for the last year now, and yet people keep asking me this question. What gives?

So far, my attempts at gold-digging have failed miserably, as have less traditional methods such as “networking,” replying to job postings, and a lengthy critical analysis of What Color Is Your Parachute? (Note: does not make good “bathroom reading.”)

However, recent consultation with my mother yielded hope in the form of the Davis Enterprise Classifieds, the highlights of which were read to me over the telephone (with some relish, I might add). If I decide to throw in the towel, cash in my few remaining chips, and admit that my entire adult life thus far has been an exercise in utter futility, well, there’s still the sofa back home - beckoning, beckoning.

Here are some career choices I hadn’t before considered. I'm grateful to my mother for opening my eyes to the diverse possibilities that still await me (at least, those few for which I am remotely qualified). Thanks, mom.

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• *Jiffy Lube in Davis* is Now Hiring Entry level technicians, service writers and assistant managers. Starting wages $8-10/hr. Must provide valid Driver’s license and Social Security Card.
Do you want to be a Lube Technician, or just look like one? Do you have to ask?


• DENNY’S DIXON Hiring Manager. Call Trewn.
Ahh … who doesn't love Denny's trademarked series of "Slam" Breakfasts? (Although Moons Over My Hammy® is a close second.)


• PPPPPPP ALL STAR RENTS Like to Party? Equipment & Party Rental Co. seeking P/T team member for entry level position to assist event/ party coordinator with rental preparation. Must have clean driving record. No exp. req’d, will train. Drug free environment. Apply at : 2020 F St. Davis.
Why wouldn't it be a drug-free environment? And what's with all the P's?


• Rice paddy Inventory Manager A rice drying facility located in Colusa County along the I-5 corridor is seeking an enthusiastic & motivated individual for the full time position of rice paddy inventory manager. Experience with grain inventory software packages is a plus.
Not exactly my skill set, but I’m a quick study - especially when it comes to rice.


• Cake decorator, no experience necessary. PT/ FT. 7a.m.- 3p.m. Wage DOE. Medical, dental, paid vacation for FT.
What’s not to love? - great benefits, and all the frosting you can eat!


• Fun, fast pace sports environment looking for Part-time to Full-time front office help. Individual must be organized and available weekends.
One question: What’s a “sports environment?"


• Gymnastics Birthday Party Leader. Must be enthusiastic and enjoy working with children. Experience in gymnastics is preferred, but not necessary. Leaders must be available every other weekend. $7.81- $9.49/ hour.
Experience in gymnastics is preferred, but not necessary. That’s all I need to know.


• Office Assistant, PT. Computer and phone skills, familiarity with Ebay. Willing to work hard. University student, some retail experience.
I HAVE TONS OF EBAY EXPERIENCE (as is evident from my extensive collections of Chinese 78’s and Farmall home accessories)


• Square Dancing - Get ready for the Fall Hoe-Downs.
OK, so it’s not a job, but it is one more reason to move back home!