What Easter means to me
Most of you are aware that this is Easter Week in the Christian calendar. Before Good Friday hits us all like a brick, I'd like to take the opportunity to reaffirm a few things:
* Jesus was always Jewish - he never actually converted.
* 4 out of 5 reputable scholars and theologians agree that the Jews did not kill Jesus.
* Jewish people can be pro-Jesus, without engaging in the blasphemy of "Jews for Jesus."
* The early Christians used Easter to co-opt ancient springtime fertility festivals, which accounts for the satanic pagan symbols we associate with Easter, such as the Easter egg, the Easter bunny, and marshmallow Peeps. Contrary to popular belief, Jesus did not reveal his recipe for Peeps in the Sermon on the Mount. This formula was in fact derived from scrolls left behind by the ancient Essene cult on their way to a Rave-like happening in 864 BCE.
* According to Jewish tradition, Jesus may not be the Messiah we all think he is.
* Nevertheless, be we jewish, goyische, muslim, hindu, scientologist, etc., Easter is an excuse to lie back and contemplate the small miracles each of us experience every day.
* Jesus was always Jewish - he never actually converted.
* 4 out of 5 reputable scholars and theologians agree that the Jews did not kill Jesus.
* Jewish people can be pro-Jesus, without engaging in the blasphemy of "Jews for Jesus."
* The early Christians used Easter to co-opt ancient springtime fertility festivals, which accounts for the satanic pagan symbols we associate with Easter, such as the Easter egg, the Easter bunny, and marshmallow Peeps. Contrary to popular belief, Jesus did not reveal his recipe for Peeps in the Sermon on the Mount. This formula was in fact derived from scrolls left behind by the ancient Essene cult on their way to a Rave-like happening in 864 BCE.
* According to Jewish tradition, Jesus may not be the Messiah we all think he is.
* Nevertheless, be we jewish, goyische, muslim, hindu, scientologist, etc., Easter is an excuse to lie back and contemplate the small miracles each of us experience every day.
posted at 12:10 AM
4 Comments:
I hate to break this to you, be we all killed Jesus - that's the point of the story. Where do you find these "scholars" who say the Jews killed JC? Are they on late night TV?
The scribes and the chief priests got everyone riled up because JC was preaching a radical message and exposing their corruption. People being people, they went along with it. One could argue that The Crowd killed Jesus.
As for Easter, it was always Halloween Jr. at our house: not as much candy, and you had to work for it. Now that I'm grown-up and childless, it is unclear exactly what I'm to do on Easter.
I forgot to mention that I admire Jesus for the radical kick-ass 'tude he showed in a time of social strife and great adversity. He took in all the undesirables and taught them to believe in themselves only and listen to no one. He validated their important role as interpreters of a very complicated Divine plan that most people could never understand. If you think about it, Jesus was kind of like a King of the nerds. Happy Resurrection, Jesus - you're the best!
Amen.
True - the Bloods, the Crips, and the Peeps have a complicated history of power struggles, ritualized violence, and competition for cutest Easter treat, that continues to this day. Conversely, the Baseball Furies' bid for 'most adorable candy' in the late 1970's was embarassingly unsuccessful, and remains an indelible stain on the collective gangland conscience.
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