When I grow up ... I want to be a Hebe

Now I know I was right to embrace my Jewessness
(and I already have the necessary thighs):

"Ηebe was the daughter of Zeus and Hera. Legend has it that she was born not of their union, but of a very strange conception: when Hera having been invited to dinner by Apollo, ate of some wild lettuce and in this manner became pregnant. ...

"Hebe above all others symbolized youth - vivacity, élan and beauty which characterize the tender period of human life. Her chief duty was to offer nectar and ambrosia to the gods.

"Ambrosia was the food that kept the gods eternally young and protected them from the attrition of time. Thus the gods remained strong and beautiful, while Hebe was the personification of eternal youth. She lost her position as cup-bearer of the gods, however, as the result of a fall which exposed her to the eyes of all in a rather indecent posture. Her nakedness shocked the gods, and this unseemliness being considered ill-matched to the manners of the Olympians, she was henceforth deemed unfit to perform her former duties. She was soon replaced by Ganymede, distinguished among mortals for his extraordinary beauty, who charmed even Zeus himself. Zeus is said either to have ordered an eagle to seize Ganymede and bring him to Olympus, or else to have carried the youth off himself, in order to take him into his service."

I am no worshipper of Hygia, who was the daughter of that old herb-doctor Asclepius ... but rather of Hebe ... who had the power of restoring gods and men to the vigour of youth. She was probably the only thoroughly sound-conditioned, healthy, and robust young lady that ever walked the globe, and whenever she came it was spring.

- Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Anyone who knows me can attest to my unusually strong affinity for lettuce, and my tendency to stumble into compromising positions where - if I don't reveal my Paul Frank day-of-the-week Julius "fundiewear," some other kind of nakedness results - usually to the dismay of all present.

And don't get me started on Ganymede - if I had a nickel for each time I've been replaced by a pretty boy, well, I wouldn't need a blog.

Mom will be pleased to learn that "Hebe's relationship with her mother was very strong; indeed, she helped Hera with all her chores. When her mother had to depart, Hebe prepared her chariot. So enough about doing the dishes, please!

Wreathëd smiles
Such as hang on Hebe's cheek,
And love to live in dimple sleek.

- Milton: L'Allegro