Why I Will No Longer Be "Dating" (or complaining about not dating)

Today proved enlightening on several fronts. In my yoga class, the teacher asked us to stand with our legs together, knees bent, arms in prayer position and then twist sideways and balance on one leg as he read to us from the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh's writings about the third Parmita: Inclusiveness - which allegedly means making an effort to understand the world of others, and likewise, to include them in your world, and thereby to cultivate patience and acceptance of "what is" (what ever).

In a conversation with Dr. A (in which he actually rolled his eyes), I learned that I do not flirt early or often enough, and the result of not dumbing myself down when I meet a man is that he finds my emotionally intense, intellectually demanding, and highly sensual nature too "real world" and he runs away (c.f., "business trip guy"). Dr. A had a point there - I mean, when confronted with all of that, who wouldn't run?

I also gave serious thought to why no one has been commenting on my posts as of late - posts that I've been told repeatedly are "the best ever". This lack of response to apparent brilliance made no sense, until through devoted contemplation on the A train (the easiest way to avoid pan handlers and those noisy dancing kids, IMHO) I came to understand that posts about self-humiliation and weird dreams concerning early 19th century poets and British arcana may not leave much "emotional space" for other people to contribute their thoughts, feelings, and desires - which, apparently, are just like mine. If I were more inclusive and way more flirtatious, for instance, I would have not waited until the end of this post to note that on the revised John F. Kennedy Presidential (Memorial) Physical Fitness Test I recently scored as follows:

Sexpert or Slut: "The Happy Medium" - 35% experience/21% sluttiness
Cunnilicious: "Delicious" - 81% cunnilicious (but over 99% for my age and gender! - wait ...gender?)
Who Would You Be in 1400 AD (traditionally, the Medieval has always been a weak area for me): "Prioress" - with high marks for "Lady" and "Monk"
Curl Ups: 97%
Shuttle Run 81%

These scores are quite revealing apropos my current conundrum: a delicious but decidedly moral and extremely formidable senior nun with strong abdominals and slutty proclivities - but limited experience - is not exactly what most men are looking for in a prospective date, unless those men are seriously into B&D (hello! - can't you read? I have limited experience!). I think Dr. A may be on to something. My question for him - and I put it to you, dear Readers - is, "when I meet someone new, how do I not be the nun/slut with a penchant for "oral" poseur that God made me?" Moreover, in this era of extreme self-acceptance, is this advisable - or even possible? While I can flirt a little, I have no idea how or when to deploy my nuclear line - or, for that matter, what it is - and even I know that my "I used to write porn" story only goes so far.

So I'm hanging up my wimple, folks - it's safe to let your sons, fathers, and sexually frustrated professors out to play.



↑Yeah, you (and I) wish