Poisson d'Avril

This year's Passover is going to be different from all other Passovers!


"Buy a good brand: No one will ever know unless you tell."

A life in pictures

Drawing boards

It seems fun at first

Then it's supposed to be cool


Soon, everything gets complicated, even when it looks simple


And if you're lucky, you'll die with a lot on the table

Spring Break: Voyage on the Information Superhighway

These Romanian delicacies can now be yours

Most of us are well aware that the democratizing function of the information superhighway is totally bogus: just another ruse instituted by the Man to increase hits on sites like OPE and Superhunks. Not only does the digital divide exist, it's getting wider and more divisive every day -- at least for those of us who aren't into internet porn.

For the lucky ones -- the porn-obsessed, porn-centric, and even the porn-questioning -- the so-called "world wide web" has been a godsend. The opening of new markets on internet2 and, soon, internet3 is unlike anything we've witnessed since Nixon's daring Red China venture, or the destruction of the Berlin Wall. Back then, resources no one could imagine -- such as blind Chinese orphans with impeccable stitchery skills, or legal access to the Romanian meat industry -- were suddenly available to satisfy every Western consumer's whims, with sometimes shocking but ultimately welcome results.

Likewise, the internets have opened up new and heretofore unknown vistas in porn delivery and storage methodologies. The webcam industry is booming, skilled identity theft has sparked truly creative thinking among society's forsaken ne'er do wells, and sisters are doin' it for themselves (yeah!). Perhaps most important is the unprecedented growth of ground-breaking niche fetishism. Capitalism at its best: this is what America is all about.

This is not that stolen collection of your dad's MILF ass mags I'm talking about. This spring break, why not stay home and take a trip on the wild side!

Tails, tails & tails

Inside Shots

Great Sized

Close Up

Thanks to the great equalizing power of the internets, in-flight meals on American Airlines are finally comparable to those on Air Kazakhstan. If Marx could get a look-see at this action, he would not be rolling in his grave.

It's time to play...

What's My Affliction?


In the venerated spirit of DIY health care, a family tradition of self-mis-diagnosis, and a personal history of vague symptomology and hypochondria, I put it to you, the lay reader, to consider the evidence below and offer your [thoughtfully considered] suggestions re: what's wrong with me lately.

Symptoms:

Low back pain

Rest of back pain

Migrating neuralgia

Sloth

Cupcake cravings

Sinusitis and accompanying headaches

Hurty muscles

Sleep disturbances

Fluctuations in blood pressure

Occasional vertigo

Itchy legs

Difficulty relaxing

Lethargy

Pain in butt

Poor and/or intermittent mental focus

"Funny" feeling in lower abdomens

Moments of confusion and short-term memory lapse

Numbness and tingling

Clumsiness

Questionable decision-making

Bloating

Gas

Did I mention constipation?

Note: While all or most of these conditions could be understood as afflictions in themselves, in keeping with a holistic attitude toward disease, I urge you to interpret these as symptoms of a more pervasive, all-encompassing set of disorders.

Thank You, and Good Luck!