Close, but no cigar

The Audi-Oh - Vibrator for your iPod

Courtesy of ShinyShiny

Yes, that's right, someone's created a wearable vibrator that works in harmony with your music player. Strap the silicone butterfly in place, plug it into your favourite music player and get jiggy with the musical beat. It will also work in rhythm with external noises from stereos or club sound systems, so you'll be able to get into the groove and get off on it all at the same time. Ah, the joys of modern living! If that's not an example of technology making life better, I don't know what is. Get yours from the excellently-named Grand Opening for $69.95.

... As if everyone and her brother with an iPod, some doggie squeak toys, and a roll of electrical tape hadn't jerry-rigged one of these already (although everyone knows that I don't have a brother - well, not anymore). I can't help wondering what listening to Beethoven's Fifth Symphony would be like (you can forget about the "unfinished" Ninth), or the vast oeuvre of P-Funk.

A strange new world of music criticism is dawning, and I, for one, would like to take a ride on whatever wacked-out rocket ship is going there. This in no way diminishes or otherwise precludes my afore-implied interest in "real" men - in fact, now that I can (in theory) satisfy both my musical and physical interests so easily, I think I'll be feeling that yawning void in my soul a little more acutely. Contrary to popular belief, it's easy to be lonely when you're sexually, spiritually, and aesthetically frustrated: faced with that winning trifecta, what kind of freak wouldn't be bitter and miserable? But only a truly sorry excuse for a woman could sustain her existential miasma while enjoying a five-and-a-half-minute orgasm to Rumpofsteelskin.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you that woman!

Why I love Gary Baseman:

Because, for a few precious moments, he makes me feel that my unbridled cyncism, bitterness, and clever but ultimately facile deployment of irony when confronting the heartbreaking unfairness of life is OK, after all.

While I was Out

I'm posting this from my Dell Optiplex GX240 Standard-issue CUNY computer. CUNY means "City University of New York." In laymen's terms, I still work in the Bronx. (Nothing has changed except the nature and location of the work, the increase in hours, and the significant decrease in pay.)

Nevertheless, things are looking up. The lightning-fast browsing speed and unbeatable efficiency of Pentium 4 technology coupled with the groundbreaking Windows XP OS on this machine are just some of the many benefits I enjoy working at my new (albeit possibly temporary) job. Others include:

it's something to do and some place to go

I work with nice people

one day, though not soon, I expect a paycheck

in theory, I am doing work that will, in some trickle-down way, "help people"

all the office supplies I can pilfer (I especially love those coated paperclips that come in many colors


People have been complaining to me, both on- and off-blog, about putting up a new post already. Hello people! Working all day, plus a 90-minute commute each way, takes a lot of funny out of a person. When I finally get home and I'm hungry, tired, and the cat won't stop head-butting me in the face, the last thing I really want to do is rack my brains for something humorous and insightful to discuss - especially with little to no provocation from others. Last night, I had to vote, too. Not only did my vote count for nothing, I almost missed the season premiere of Gilmore Girls!

So leave me alone, already. Sorry to burst all of your bubbles, but Bloygevalt does not merely exist to please you, its readers. Sometimes, Bloygevalt must meet my needs. Most of the time, these needs involve letting everything slide until I give up and go home. This is the life of a working stiff. Get used to it.